HIDUP ITU PROSES

Oleh U’un Arifien

Kalau saya ingat masa ketika perusahaan saya bangkrut sekitar tahun 1985, saya berpikir seakan dunia runtuh. Pikiran saya kalut dan setiap hari badan terasa panas dingin. Pokoknya saya merasa sengsara sekali, dan malu terhadap masyarakat Yogya yang waktu itu seakan-akan melihat saya dengan muka masam dan bibir mencibir. Saya pun malu terhadap karyawan saya yang berjumlah sekitar 100 orang, serta merasa kasihan terhadap anak-anak dan isteri saya. Tidak berhenti di situ, saya juga malu kepada semua teman dan famili, karena perusahaan yang dibanggakan akhirnya bangkrut. Belum lagi saya harus menghadapi tuntutan hukum dari rekan bisnis saya di Pengadilan Negeri Sleman. Di dalam kesulitan itu, saya hanya mempunyai tekad, saya harus survive, saya tidak boleh terpuruk berlama-lama.

Hal ini mudah ditulis, mudah dikatakan dan diceritakan, tetapi betul-betul amat sulit melakoninya. Peristiwa ini mengubah kepribadian saya menjadi seorang pemalu, minder, tidak senang bertemu orang, pokoknya saya merasa menjadi orang yang tersisih dan menyisihkan diri.

LIFE IS A PROCESS

By U’un Arifien (Kwee Ping Oen)

translated by Selfy parkit, edited by Maurice P. Smith

 

If I remember the time when my company went bankrupt in 1985, I thought the world seemed to collapse. My mind was chaotic and every day my body felt cold and hot.

Anyway, at that time I felt very miserable and ashamed in the presence of the Yogya people who seemed to see me with a sour face and pouting lips. I was ashamed also in the presence of my employees who numbered about 100 people, and felt sorry for my children and my wife. It did not end there. I was also embarrassed in the presence of all my friends and relatives, because the company that was proud eventually went bankrupt. Moreover, I had to face the lawsuits from my business partner in Sleman District Court. In such a distressing situation, I was determined to survive. I must not collapse.

It is easy to write and to talk about, but it was really very difficult to do. This incident changed my personality. I became a shy person with little confidence and did not like to meet people. Anyway I felt marginalized and sidelined.

But life goes on, and after about 20 years later, I realized that I am still alive and still working. The people who I thought used to monitor me, were not. It was only my mind haunting me. Basically people do not really care; they have their own problems that they must solve.

After a while, a new problem arose when my beloved wife fell ill. My wife’s illness required me draining my energy, mind as well as finances because the treatment must be carried out at the Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore. From 2002 I went to and fro Yogyakarta to Singapore for about four years, until November 11 2006 my wife passed away to the House of the Father in Heaven (death).